Purity is NOT Just About Sex

Speaking to a group of young people can be very intimidating.  Speaking to a group of young people on the topic of sex can be excruciating.  Before I begin I always promise them, “This is NOT another lecture on sex.”  I also assure them I will not be throwing pictures of STDs on the wall as a scare tactic NOR will I be passing out condoms or describing the graphic details of abortion procedures.

Of course, STDs are a real medical issue in our culture, and I am as pro-life as the next conservative Christian.  But in my days of ministry I have come to learn that young people are not as concerned with the consequences of sex as we adults would like them to be.  Think back to your own teenage years.  Truth be told…someone explaining the physical consequences of sex was not enough to stop you from doing it.  The same is true today except for one major, even bigger, temptation – technology.

My encouragement to young people and the task before us, as a culture, is to bring back the importance of purity.  What I tell our kids and what I need parents to hear – PURITY IS NOT JUST ABOUT SEX!  Purity is a way of life that includes surrendering all areas of our life to Jesus.

In this world our kids are bombarded with sex, but when they come to church they hardly hear the word sex.  Yet, we have these expectations of them, morally, but we aren’t training them or equipping them inside the walls of the church.  When they walk OUTSIDE the walls of the church the world is waiting on them, ready to devour them.  And not just in regards to sex.

“But if we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, PURIFIES us from all sin.” -1 John 1:7 ESV

Is it any wonder our enemy, Satan, spends so much time convincing us that the word purity is bad when Jesus died so that his blood would PURIFY us from all sin?  This is no coincidence!

Parents!  Young people!  Let us get wise to our enemy and realize that to live a life of purity means to be covered by the blood of Jesus Christ.  Let us live lives worthy of the cross and worthy of the Gospel.  Parents, make the sex talks in your home about the Holy Spirit.  Instead of saying DON’T, let’s tell our kids, “DO!  Do live your life for Jesus.  Wait for Him to tell you what to do.  Let Him be your Guide.”

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.  And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.” -1 John 3:1, 3 ESV


An Un-mentionable Worth Mentioning

I once read an article where the author said, “If we are going to warn people of the perils of Big Gulps and French fries, shouldn’t we warn them of the dangers of sex?”  Freedom13 Ministries does just that by recognizing pornography as a serious issue.

The first time I ever encountered someone with a pornography habit was on a college campus and GET THIS!  The person with the pornography addiction was a woman, not a man.  That’s right.  Women are struggling just as much as men.  This particular woman, after confessing her addiction to pornography said, “I am a virgin and a Christian and I don’t feel like I am either.”

Freedom13 Ministries recognizes pornography as sinful behavior just like any other sexual sin, however, it is my belief that pornography has become a stronghold within our culture.  Don’t misunderstand me.  A mistake I believe Christians make is giving weight to sin.  In the eyes of the Lord, sin is sin.  No sin is bigger than another.  But pornography is sneaky.  It’s sneaky because we can hide in our homes behind a computer screen.  We think no one has to know, no one has to see.  But the truth is – God sees.  And those things we tend to do habitually in the dark, behind closed doors have a way of gaining power.  It’s a classic tactic Satan, our enemy, likes to use.  Pornography has us by the throats, culturally speaking.  Truth is, none of us is exempt from it affecting our lives.  It is coming for our homes, our marriages and our children.  Freedom13 Ministries equips men and women on how to safeguard their lives against pornography, against any sexual sin for that matter.

Here’s the deal – anybody with a pulse can change his or her behavior.  Anyone can get rid of his smart phone or add a filter to his computer.  Don’t get me wrong – those are good things to do and you should if you struggle with pornography.  I have three small children that I am raising, and you can bet I will be doing everything I can to safeguard my home.  My point is anyone can modify his behavior.  Someone who really wants to change his way, someone who really wants to get beyond this issue in his life has to get to a place where he is so completely and utterly desperate for Jesus Christ to work and move in his life.  In other words, a person must get to the end of himself and realize he has exhausted all resources and he cannot do this on his own.  Something/Someone bigger, higher, mightier must intervene.  That Something, that Someone is Jesus Christ.  He is the only One who can truly do what it takes in our lives to get us beyond the devastation of sexual sin.  Freedom13 Ministries educates, equips, and empowers men and women through the message of hope, redemption, salvation, restoration, healing, and accountability found in the Bible, God’s Holy Word.

People who struggle with pornography feel very ashamed to admit their struggle.  Shame is Satan’s favorite emotion.  Please know shame is just a feeling and it comes straight from the pit of Hell.  As long as people feel ashamed, the longer they’ll keep their secrets to themselves.

The Bible says in Isaiah 54:4 “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth…”  Freedom13 Ministries helps others realize where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM!  There is no condemnation in Jesus Christ.  The sooner a person caught up in sexual sin can figure that out, the better.  Romans 10:11 says, “For the Scripture says, ‘Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.’”

Believe that Jesus Christ loves you, that He died for you, that He is alive and wants to have a relationship with you.  Repent of your sins.  Ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life.  Find a mature Christian with whom you trust and tell him or her about your addiction.  If you are married, I would start with first telling your spouse.  There is so much power and freedom in finally confessing your addiction to someone.  It is the hardest and scariest part, but I promise, once you do the burden will be lifted and your journey to healing will finally begin.  Ask that person (the person you confided in and/or your spouse) to help get you in touch with someone who deals with sexual addiction, who is a Christian, and who can help in getting you an Accountability Partner (if you are married, your spouse should always be at least one of your Accountability Partners).  Pray.  Prayer is our biggest weapon against sexual sin.  Find a Bible-believing church and GO regularly!  Walk and live in your FREEDOM!

The following are suggestions by men who have been set free from their pornography addictions:

  1.  Spend daily time in the Bible.
  2. Be willing to answer your wife’s questions.
  3. Listen only to Christian music as secular music has a way of affecting our thought-life and bringing back old memories.
  4. Have Husband/Wife Devotions before bed.
  5. Go to bed together every night.

Words of wisdom:

“Your husband or wife does not need to be your only accountability partner. Do admit to him/her the extent of your struggle so that he/she can be aware of what is going on and the two of you can reconcile your mistakes, but you need a group of guys/women that you can confide in about your struggle, too.”

“I would also suggest you join a group of couples or small group/community group. You need to be able to share with a group of guys, and your wife needs the opportunity to share with a group of women. If your spouse is your only source of accountability, your spouse may grow to resent you. Plus, there is a probability of a relapse and your spouse may hide his/her struggle from you and be more apprehensive to ask the tough questions because of the hurt the answers may bring. My wife will say that her knowing I have a group of guys walking with me has helped rebuild the trust and respect in our relationship.”  

I Hate Myself

What kind of “feeler” are you?  Ok, I just lost all of my male readers with that question right there.

(That’s ok.  I think I just had one male reader anyway…Hi, husband!)


Do you feel deeply?  Or do you kind of keep everything on the surface?

The reason I ask is because I am a deep feeler…like…real deep…way down low deep.  Anyone?

And this can create a problem for me sometimes.  Anyone?

If I get tickled…I laugh loudly.  If I get sad…I cry intensely.  If I get mad…well, you get the picture.

And I can really hate myself for feeling so much.  Anyone?

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Ever wonder why we wrestle so much with unhappiness?  Especially when it comes to ourselves?  I’ve realized we will never truly be content while here on this planet because this place, this place we call Earth, is not our home.  Our enemy, the Impostor I like to call him, spends a lot of time trying to convince us of our unhappiness, of our discontentment in ourselves so that we will waste our time being miserable here on this planet and miss…so that we will MISS (did you catch that?) our purpose, our reason for being created for such a time as this.  He knows our time on Earth is temporary and he also knows this is not our home.  He happens to know how the story ends.  So if we will become distracted with unhappiness, discontentment, sadness, anger, fill in your blank here, he knows we will waste our time on this planet and ultimately walk away from our God-ordained purpose out of fear of rejection, insecurity, and/or unworthiness.

 Because I feel everything…remember, I’m a deep “feeler,” you can only imagine how much fun my Impostor tends to have with me.  All day long I fight thoughts like…
You’ll never be effective.  You’re too loud, you’re too bossy, you’re too dumb, you’re too southern, you’re too ugly, you’re NOT sweet-natured.
Life can be lonely, too…so my enemy goes wild when it comes to friendship…

No one wants to be your friend.  You’ll never have friends.  Who would want to be your friend?  The friends you do have eventually will hurt you anyway.  Trust no one.


The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

John 10:10

You were made for greatness.  You were not meant to be silent.  You were not meant to cower in the corner or to resent your personality.  God created you on purpose and with purpose.  Stand up, head tall, and chin up.  You are a child of God.  Why would you let the enemy of God dictate your feelings and tell you who you are?  Let the ONE who made you be the judge of that!

 Rise up!  You’ve got work to do!

…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

One day, we get to go home and into the arms of Jesus we’ll be safe and perfect.  Complete.